Top Chef? I wish. Doesn’t Remy Have an Emergency Hotline?

Simmer for one hour, until tender….whisk together the remaining milk and flour….Bring a large pot of lightly saltedwater to a boil….pound chicken…..saute vegetables until crisp….blanch tomatoes until skin loosens…

Umm…excuse me? Plain English, please.   When it comes to cooking, this is my basic general sentiment.  Before coming to college, I’ll be honest, I spent little to no time in the kitchen, unless you count packing a PB&J for lunch.  Once I came to college, I spent even less time in the kitchen. I fully appreciated what the W&M Dining Services  had to offer me.  Two all-you-can-eat buffet style dining halls with soft serve ice cream even at breakfast? An a la carte style dining hall with a Mexican food station? Yes! The ability to use flex dollars for Dominos pizza and have it delivered to anywhere on campus? Again, yes! Over my years here I have gotten very good at eating, but not so skilled at cooking.  My freshman through junior year I lived on campus, so I validated my not cooking by the fact that the kitchen was down the hall, people would steal my food from the fridge, I’d have to go to the duty office to rent pans, etc. Now, living off campus, the fact that I can’t cook glares at my daily. I watch my housemates conjure fish tacos with seasoned tilapia, avocado, chipotle mayo, and red cabbage on corn tortillas or egg noodle pasta with sun-dried tomato and basil chicken sausage, fresh tomatoes, red chili pepper flakes, pressed garlic, orange peppers, and chicken broth. Chicken broth mixed with another kind of meat? You can do that? Calling Remy, the rat from Ratatouille to the rescue. I have no idea what flavors, herbs, and spices mix. It’s like elementary school art class all over again, trying to figure out what primary colors to mix to get purple. I can’t do it, but if I eat one more meal out, my checking account is going to drop below $0.00. What do I do? Well, currently I’m working on a deal with one of my housemates that I do the dishes and laundry if she cooks out of desperation, but it’s just getting to the point of pathetic.  I am now willing to admit that I cannot cook. Moreover, I need to learn how to cook. I think it’s time I start scouring our course catalog in hopes that  W&M offers people like me some sort of hope in the culinary arts.