So, I cried today…

With a sweet Haitian girl in the North – See? I told you I love children.

Let me preface this title by saying that I’m a rather emotional person. Although tears are not usually prevalent running down my cheeks – I’m a sucker for emotions. My heart nearly overflows with joy when I see any of the Deans’ children for four reasons : #1 – because they are all beautiful, #2 – because I got to chat with a set of twins who just turned 3 about their birthday party during kickball and it was wonderful, #3 – because one of them (cough cough bailey broaddus cough cough) is no more than 4 months old and maybe the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen, and #4 – I’m going into Elementary Education aka I have a major soft spot for children. I’m even the resident “mom” (you might even say Mama Wolf) of our InternPack. But, surprisingly enough, this blog post has nothing to do with children, just giving you a remote preface for the level of emotions that I’ve been having lately.

Today, after work, we had a staff meeting with my boss (Wendy), and with Tim Wolfe, another Dean of Admission. During that meeting, we discussed a variety of things, but one of the main ones was the expectation that as senior interviewers and interns, we would conduct information sessions with the Deans throughout the fall and spring semester once a week. The other expectations are for us to give Fall Focus Day sessions (and other campus visitation day sessions as well) and to give tours during our busiest week of the year – aka – Spring Break week for most of Virginia public high schools. Then, Wendy, out of the blue, said – “Well, I mean, Kylee will be giving her last tour in the next few weeks.”*

HOLD UP WHAT? ADKSJFLSDFJSDFKLJASD.

Then it hit me – I’ll be legitimately giving my last tour (maybe not my last tour ever, but my last official tour) within the next two weeks. And you have no idea how much this breaks my heart. As a student who came to William & Mary literally because of a tour guide (shoutout to you Katie Adams), I love the role of giving tours. And it’s not only that I love giving tours, it’s that it made me realize – Oh.My.Lord. I’m graduating. I’m going to be a senior. The, I’m going to go on and get my Master’s in Education. Then, I’m going to have my own classroom. Then, I’m going to (hopefully) get married. Then, I’m going to (hopefully) have children. Then, I’m going to have grandchildren. Then, I’m going to…you get the point.

It’s not as if I have this guttural feeling that life is ending, I just am getting nostalgic, which may have been the reason that after Wendy said what she did, I started crying. It was a somewhat mixture between crying and laughing – crying because I was upset and sad that my college life is coming to a close and that I have to leave William & Mary (even if I am going to grad school here), and laughing because I didn’t want it to seem weird that I was crying. As Tim & Wendy and the rest of my fellow interns watched in amazement and laughed (some even gave me that sad, pathetic – “Oh, you’re really crying?” look because they’re non-emotional – thanks, Carter) as tears started to come from my eyes. As the tears came, so did many questions:

Caroline and I – Freshman Roommates – August 2008

Why does this have to end? Do I have to graduate? Can I stay in college for the rest of my life? Didn’t I just move into Barrett 304 yesterday? What if I can’t find a job? How come teachers get paid so little? Will I have enough money to live in a nice apartment or will I live in a shack? Where will I find a husband who will help me not be able to live in a shack because I’ll be spending so much money on my classroom?

I guess, in the end, I don’t need to be thinking that far in the future and just really start living up my senior year and not taking everything for granted. It’s hard to believe that this summer is coming to a close – I feel like just yesterday, the first 5 of us that started were awkwardly waiting on the couch in the lobby for Wendy to come get us – unsure of what is ahead. And now, I know without a doubt that the 11 other people I’ve worked with this summer (and the Deans too) are people that I’ll be connected to for the rest of my life.

I’ll head out to my GRE class before more tears start flowing and I have to take my computer to the Tribe Computer Store because it has water and salt damage. Ohh, emotions.

xoxo.

Kylee

*n.b. – side note – I’m graduating in December a semester early – not because I want to leave college early, but because it saves money and makes more sense! I’ll still be in Williamsburg though – this is important.